Jack Thompson wuu diiday!

Iyadoo Jack Thompson uu dhawaan si rasmi ah u jabiyay, nidaamka sharciga ayaa lumiyay horyaalkiisii ​​​​ugu weynaa tan iyo markii uu xaakim Juggles ^{(Judge Juggles)} The Clown ku qarqoomay  qol maxkamadeed oo ay ka buuxaan xannaano. In kasta oo xaaladdiisa cusub ee aan xirfad-yaqaannimada ahayn ay u fasaxday tallaalka Olombikada ^(Olympics)Dumbass ee 2009 , waxaanu xusuusinaynaa gudbintii xirfaddiisa annagoo dib u eegayna toban daqiiqadood oo waaweyn oo Thompson ah.^(Thompson)

1. La dagaalanka Janet Reno

Muddo dheer ka hor inta aan la qaadin Take-Two iyo Rockstar , John Bruce "Jack" Thompson wuxuu lahaa himilooyinkiisa inuu noqdo xeer ilaaliye dawladeed ee degmada Dade . Qofka ka soo horjeeda wuxuu ahaa markaa qareenka gobolka Janet Reno , iyo tartan si loo go'aamiyo cidda ugu habboon si loo caddeeyo dembiyada lagu eedeeyay dilka, kufsiga, iyo afduubka, wuxuu doortay xeeladda "ugu yeerida khaniisnimada".

Maya, waan ka xumahay, “isagoo ugu yeedhaya gabadh lesbian ah qaab wiil sagaal jir ah oo qolka guriga ku jira”, markuu u gudbiyay qoraal uu kaga codsanayo inay saxdo sanduuq si ay u muujiso inay tahay khaniis/khaniis. Waxaynu ka soo qaadnay in uu markaa qoslay oo ku afuufay kubbadaha wax kasta oo u dhigma macallinka munaasibadda ololaha. Garabkiisa ayay gacanta saartay oo ay ku macnaysay in ay soo jiidanayso niman xun-xun, waana sababta aanay isaga u soo jiidan.

Erayada ciyaaraha fiidiyowga, aad buu u neceb yahay, PWN3D . Jawaabtiisa? Si aad u gudbiso warbixinta bilayska iyada oo ku andacoonaysa in ay aad u taabato qofka uu ka kooban yahay, ama si kale haddii loo dhigo, iyada oo dalbanaysa askartaas bilayska ayaa loo baahan yahay si ay isaga difaacaan Dhimashada Dhimashada^{(Death Grip)} ee haweeney konton jir ah. Janet Reno waxay sii waday inay kormeerto xukunnada Unabomber , Timothy McVeigh , iyo bambooyinka Xarunta Ganacsiga Adduunka . ^{(World Trade Center)}Jack wuxuu sii waday inuu doorto oo lumiyo dagaalka ka dhanka ah dadka bixiya madadaalada guriga.

2. Batman ee Rap

1990kii Jacky , sida aynu hadda u tixraaci doono isaga oo ah "Jack" gabi ahaanba waa magac lab ah oo loogu talagalay mid ka baqaya Kung Fu ee haweeney nus qarni jir ah, ayaa go'aansaday in Rap uu yahay cadowgiisa cusub. Ololihiisii ​​ka dhanka ahaa 2Live Crew's “Sida Nasty Sida ay rabaan” waxa uu ku andacoodey in uu ahaa Bruce Wayne , Batman si uu ula dagaalamo xumaanta Rap Music . Keliya ma aha erayo: wuxuu soo xidhay saacadda Bat-watch^(Bat-watch) wuxuuna dadka u soo diray koobiyada liisanka darawalnimada oo wata sawirada Batmanedited in. Kor u qaada haddii ay taasi u ekaato fal xirfadle sharci oo si wanaagsan loo hagaajiyay (ma jirayso gacmo kor loo qaadayo, sida qof kasta oo isku daya inuu mid kor u qaado wuxuu u arki doonaa si aan habboonayn "xakameyn" nooc ka mid ah "jaakad").

Ogsoonow in tani ay ahayd 1990, sannadkii qiimaynta dhimirka ee Florida ay u xaqiijisay inuu miyir qabo. Muujinaya in Florida ay u baahneyd inay si dhab ah dib u qiimeyso heerarkeeda caafimaadka dhimirka muddo ku dhow 20 sano, maadaama qof kasta oo halkaas joogay uu ku raaci doono. Nasiib darro, waligiis kuma uu dayan Batman ilaa heer uu ka boodo iftiinka muraayadda saxan ee bakhaar ay ka buuxaan rappers sababtoo ah, si daacad ah, natiijada ka soo baxda taasi waxay noqon lahayd mid aad u qosol badan.

3. Dacwada Dugsiga Sare ee Heath

1997 Jackqueline ayaa dacwad ku soo oogay kuwa sameeya Doom , MechWarrior , dhowr ciyaarood oo kale, inta badan Hollywood iyo qaybaha internetka^(Internet) oo leh porno iyaga. Waxa uu ku andacooday $33 milyan oo magdhow ah isaga oo ka wakiil ah qoysaska dhibanayaasha ah ee danaystayaasha ah, in kasta oo tirada badan ee “eedaysanayaasha” ay ka dhigan tahay in ay bixin karaan labaatan senti midkiiba oo ay u badan tahay in ay la kulmaan sharciga, kiiska waa la laalay xitaa soo bandhigay sharci ahaan la aqoonsan karo. sheegasho. Qofka ugu dhow ee xirfadda sharciga ayaa dhab ahaantii heli kara "Maxay dheh?" iyada oo wejigeeda laga dareemayo nacayb.

Doodiisu waxay ahayd in Doomku^(Doom) uu ahaa mid aad u saxan oo qaab-dilaac ah oo milateri ah, taasoo la macno ah in uusan run ahaantii arkin Doom ama Ciidanka Mareykanka^{(US Army)} ayaa si dhab ah uga warbixinaya tirada saldhigyada ciidammada ee ay hadda ku taxan yihiin aagagga dagaalka.

4. Columbine, Virginia, NIU

Jacki waxa uu dib ugu soo booday iftiiminta waxana uu si keligiis ah u hindisay fikradda heersare ah ee “baacsiga xasuuqa”, isaga oo miisaamaya toogashadii Virginia Tech isaga oo si xeeldheer iyo ixtiraam u leh wiyisha randy ee beerta xayawaanka lagu xanaaneeyo. Iyo ilaa heer isku mid ah oo isku xirnaanta. Tiradegiisu waxyar ayay ka saxsanaayeen pygmy indho la' oo kubad crystal ah leh iyo madadaalo aad u yar. Toogashada Waqooyiga Illinois Jackisha^{(Northern Illinois Shootings Jackisha)} waxaa loo soo bandhigay sidii " Khubarada Toogashada Campus " - xaqiiqda ah in isaga iyo ^{(Campus Shooting Expert)}Fox midna aysan arkin wax dhibaato ah oo sheegaya in ka badan intii aan kari karno.

5. Deeqaha Penny Arcade

Jackette ayaa toban kun oo doollar ugu deeqday hay'adda samafalka ah ee uu dooranayo qof kasta oo sameeyay ciyaar u taagan dilkii Paul Eibeler oo ah maamulaha kooxda Take-Two . Markii loo soo bandhigay dalabkii wuxuu si xeeladaysan u daaha ka qaaday in dhammaan "wax bixinta lacagta lagu bixiyo samafalka" ay ahayd wax-soo-saarka. Qaab cusub oo kacaan ah, oo aan ahayn qeexida sariirta ay wadaagaan qaamuusyadu, ama inta kale ee adduunka Ingiriisiga^(English) ku hadasha, laakiin taa beddelkeeda waxa Jackisha ku qeexay “lacag la hor istaago dadka baahan oo garaacaya daqiiqada ugu dambeysa. Sidoo kale, been-sheegid iyo ka-digidda wax si fagaare ah oo cajiib ah.

Sameeyayaasha majaajilada majaajilada ah ee Penny Arcade  ayaa lacagta ugu deeqay^{(donated the money)} isaga oo wakiil ka ah ururka samafalka ciyaarta^(Play) Child's ee carruurta jiran. Waxaa jira siyaabo badan oo lagu tarjumo dadka ku qarashgareynaya shan tirooyinka si ay u soo saaraan deyntaada xun: xishoodka, dembiga, ka noqoshada nolosha dadweynaha si aad ugu kafaaragguddo guri keniisad fog. Jack wuxuu doortay inuu  waco booliiska^{(call the police)} . Sababtuna waxay tahay in laba nin ay lacagtooda ugu deeqeen samafal. Sidoo kale, kiisku wuxuu lahaa ilaa inta fursada ah ee lagu guuleysto sida rasaasta hubka-suffle-ku-saleysan, taasoo muujineysa karti-sharciyeedka Jack ee xiisaha leh iyo habka uusan u isticmaalin nidaamka saxda ah ee waddan xor ah sida naadi si uu ugu hanjabo dadka.

6. Digaag oo doodda beenta ah ka baxay

Thompson waxa uu sii waday heerkiisii ​​"In uu ahaado fuley been abuur ah oo fagaare ah" sanadkii 2008 isaga oo la tartameen, maya, ku dhiiraday Simula-Samuel L Jackson^{(Simula-Samuel L Jackson)} ee Wargeysyada^(Newsgroper) dood. Markii loo qaaday dalabka, waa hagaag, bal qiyaas waxa dhacay^{(guess what happened)} .

Waan fahmi karnaa ka cararka duullimaadka dhabta ah ee Samuel L Jackson . Taasi waa ikhtiyaarka kaliya ee macquulka ah - ugu dambeyntii waa wakiilka FBI SHIELD ee ^{(FBI SHIELD)}Jedi Samurai Mob Enforcer kaas oo ku ciyaara xeerarkiisa, iyo waxa ugu sarreeya, waa Samuel Goddamn Jackson . Laakiin Jackson been abuur ah ? Halkan waxaa ah tilmaam, Jacki , sababtoo ah waxay caddaatay inaadan fahmin alaabtan tignoolajiyada: dadka iska dhigaya inay online adag yihiin ayaa aad uga soo horjeeda. Qofka iska dhigaya Sam L waxay u badan tahay inuu yahay kan ugu cadcad, ee ugu xun ee aan mofo ahayn waxaad ka heli doontaa meel ka baxsan qaybta albino ee cisbitaalka lafo-beelka.

7. NIMF waxay u sheegtay inuu lumo

Seeriga digniinta ah ee Ometer-ka Crazy-ometer-ka^{(Crazy-ometer)} ayaa runtii aad u badheedhay markii xataa Machadka Qaranka ee^{(National Institute)} Warbaahinta iyo^(Media) Qoyska uu ku^(Family) dhawaaqay in aanu isaga ahayn ee ay iyagu yihiin, oo haddii uu aadi karo oo uu ku qaylin karo oo uu xaar u rogo sidii qof waalan  meel kale^{(somewhere else)} , in waxay noqon doontaa kaliya super. NIMF , dadka soo saaray doqon aan ahayn kelmad "dil" waxayna ku eedeeyeen ciyaaraha fiidiyowga inay kor u qaadayaan dilka kaliya laakiin cunnida tooska ah, waxay eegtay Jack Thompson oo yidhi "Damn, laakiin ninkaasi waa waalan yahay".

8. Florida bar: Dhig ama xidh. Run ahaantii, iska dhig oo iska aamus^(AND)

2008 waxay ahayd sanadka in Florida Bar ugu dambeyntii ku filan tahay Jack samaynta jeesjees ka mid ah noloshooda oo dhan - siddeed iyo toban sano oo kaliya ka dib markii ugu horeysay ee ay ku eedeeyeen inuu waalan yahay, si aad u aragto xawaaraha hillaaca ee caddaaladda ee Gobolka Sunshine^{(Sunshine State)} . Waxaa lagu xukumay in uu ka soo qayb galo dacwad maxkamadeed oo ka mamnuuci karta xirfadda sharciga muddo shan sano ah. Si loogu daro "Waxaan sidoo kale xereyn karnaa dacwooyin dheeri ah" cayda dhaawicida shaqada, waxay xareeyeen amar muujinaya sababta^{(show cause)}  oo ah inuu si sharci ah u caddeeyo inuusan u isticmaalin nidaamka sharciga sidii sanduuqa saabuun ee gaarka ah iyo Hanjabaadda-Usha^{(Threatening-Stick)} gaarka ah . Taas^(Which) oo markan noqon doonta mid aad u qalafsan.

Waxa kale oo ay go'aamiyeen in dacwad kasta oo kale oo sharci ah oo uu xareeyo Jack ay tahay in uu saxeexo xubin kale oo ka tirsan Florida Bar , ama si kale loo dhigo, waxay si dhab ah u leeyihiin "Looma oggola inaad ku ciyaarto nidaamkayaga sharciga ilaa uu kormeero qof weyn oo mas'uul ah." Waxa uu ka falceliyay in loo sheegay in hadda si sharci ah loogu arko in uu yahay qof aan qaangaarin isaga oo isla markiiba racfaan ka qaatay. Saxiix la'aan.

9. Ka baxa maqalkiisa

Dabcan, Jack ma dejin doono kala diristiisa. Dabeecaddiisa waxa uu ku guulaystey in uu dacwadda sare u qaado oo la gaarsiiyo “kala-saarid la wanaajiyey”, isaga oo ka mamnuucay in uu ku dhaqmo sharciga muddo toban sano ah, oo uu ka baxay dacwadiisa oo uu ku eedeeyay garsooraha in aanu awood u lahayn in uu dhegeysto.

In uu dib u soo celiyo: waxa uu ka baxay dacwadda isaga oo ku sababeeyay in garsooraha kiis ay ku soo oogtay maxkamadda sare^{(Supreme Court)} aanu lahayn awood sharci oo lagama maarmaan ah. Gaaban^(Short) ee Ciise^(Jesus) soo laabtay, socday dugsiga sharciga, iyo isku darka la Madaxweynaha^(President) iyo Buddha si ay u sameeyaan The Right Honorable Lawyo-Tron^{(Right Honourable Lawyo-Tron)} , way adag tahay in la qiyaaso cidda uu u malaynayaa in ay yeelan doonaan awoodda.

Kaliya ma uusan ku eedayn garsooraha inuu yahay qof aan u qalmin balse sidoo kale inuu maskaxiyan isku dheeli tirnayn oo uu bilaabay inuu ku tuuro weedho ay ka mid yihiin “inuu dilay saddex kun oo qof”. Kuweena toban mitir u jira sarkaalka fulinta sharciga ilaa 9/11, taasi guud ahaan waxaa loo arkaa fikrad xun. Fikrad aad u xun. A " Marshallyada Mareykanka^{(US Marshals)} ayaa u soo diray gurigaaga si ay u sharxaan sababta ka hadalka ku saabsan dilka wadareed ee waraaqaha loo diro saraakiisha sharciga ma ahan fikrad fiican, sida Jack uu ogaaday wax yar ka dib.

10. Si joogta ah loo diiday

Waxaas oo dhami waxay ku guulaysteen inay kor u qaadaan saamiga si joogto ah u jabaan, "marna ha madoobaabin albaabkayaga" xukunka kaas oo ugu dambeyntii Florida Bar ay soo saartay. Ku dhawaad ​​labaatan sano ka dib markii nin weyni sheegay inuu doonayo inuu ugaarsado rappers isagoo ku gabanaya Bruce Wayne . Dabcan, Jack waxa uu ballan qaaday in uu sii wadi doono dagaalka wanaagsan, marka la eego hab-dhaqankiisii ​​hore, waxa suurtogal ah in uu weli dacwad xaraysan doono marka ay si sharci ah iyo jir ahaanba isaga dhigaan cusbitaal dhimir, isaga oo xanaaqsan weedho aan sax ahayn oo leh midab ilkahiisa dhexdooda lagu hayo.

10 Great Moments in Jack Thompson’s (Failed) Career

Jack Thompson disbared!

With Jack Thompson’s recent permanent disbarment, the legal system has lost its greatest champion since Judge Juggles The Clown drowned in a courtroom filled with custard. While his newly non-professional status frees him up for a shot at the 2009 Dumbass Olympics, we commemorate his career’s passing by looking back at ten great Thompson moments.

1. Battling Janet Reno

Long before taking on Take-Two and Rockstar, John Bruce “Jack” Thompson had his sights set on becoming state prosecutor in Dade county. His opponent was then-state attorney Janet Reno, and in a contest to determine who was best suited to prove the guilt of those accused of murder, rape, and kidnapping he opted for the strategy of “calling her a lesbian”.

No, sorry, “calling her a lesbian in the fashion of a nine-year-old boy in homeroom”, as he passed her a note asking her to check a box to indicate that she was heterosexual/bisexual/homosexual. We assume he then giggled and blew spitballs at whatever the equivalent of a teacher is at a campaign event. She placed a hand on his shoulder and explained that she was only attracted to virile men, which is why she wasn’t attracted to him.

In the words of the videogames, he hates so much, PWN3D. His response? To file a police report claiming her very touch on his person constituted battery, or in other words, demanding those police officers were needed to defend him from the Death Grip of a fifty-year-old woman. Janet Reno went on to supervise the convictions of the Unabomber, Timothy McVeigh, and the World Trade Center bombers. Jack went on to pick and lose fights against people who provide home entertainment.

2. Batman of Rap

In 1990 Jacky, as we will now refer to him as “Jack” is entirely too manly a name for one who fears the Kung Fu of a woman over half a century old, decided that Rap was his new enemy. In his campaign against 2Live Crew’s “As Nasty As They Wanna Be” he claimed that he was Bruce Wayne, a Batman to fight the evils of Rap Music. Not just in words: he wore a Bat-watch and mailed people copies of his driver’s license with pictures of Batman edited in. Hands up if that sounds like the act of a well-adjusted legal professional (there will be no hands up, as anybody who tries to raise one will find it inconveniently “restrained” by some kind of “jacket”).

Note that this was in 1990, the year a Florida psychiatric evaluation certified him as sane. Indicating that Florida has needed to seriously re-evaluate its mental health standards for nearly 20 years, as anyone who’s been there will agree. Unfortunately, he never emulated Batman to the point of leaping through a plate glass skylight into a warehouse full of rappers because, honestly, the results from that would have been really funny.

3. Heath High School Case

In 1997 Jackqueline filed suit against the makers of Doom, MechWarrior, several other games, most of Hollywood and the parts of the Internet with porn on them. He claimed $33 million in damages on behalf the more opportunistic families of victims, and despite the fact that the sheer number of “defendants” meant they could pay twenty cents each and probably meet the bill, the case was dismissed for even presenting a legally recognizable claim. The closest the legal profession can actually get to going “Say What?” with a disgusted expression on its face.

His argument was that Doom was an extremely accurate military-style murder simulator, meaning either he hasn’t actually seen Doom or the US Army is seriously under-reporting the number of demon-infested martian bases currently listed as combat zones.

4. Columbine, Virginia, NIU

Jacki leaped back into the spotlight and single-handedly invented the classy concept of “massacre chasing”, weighing in on the Virginia Tech shootings with all the tact and respect of a randy rhinoceros in a petting zoo. And about the same level of coherence. His tirades were slightly less accurate than a blind pygmy with a crystal ball and much less entertaining. By the Northern Illinois Shootings Jackisha was being introduced as a “Campus Shooting Expert” – the fact that neither he nor Fox saw any problem with that says more about them than we could.

5. The Penny Arcade Donation

Jackette offered ten thousand dollars to the charity of choice of anyone who made a game representing the murder of Take-Two boss Paul Eibeler. When he was taken up on the offer he cunningly revealed that the entire “offering to give money to charity” thing was satire. A revolutionary new form of satire, not the definition of satire shared by dictionaries, or the rest of the English speaking world, but instead defined by Jackisha as “dangling money in front of people in need and whipping it away at the last moment. Also, lying and chickening out of things in an incredibly public manner.”

The makers of gaming webcomic Penny Arcade donated the money on his behalf to the Child’s Play charity for sick children. There are many ways to interpret people spending five figures to make up for your bad debt: shame, guilt, withdrawal from public life to atone in a remote monastery. Jack opted to call the police. On the grounds that two men donated their own money to charity. Also, the case had about as much chance of success as a souffle-based armor-piercing bullet, showing Jack’s keen legal acumen and the way he certainly doesn’t use the due process of a free country as a club to threaten people with.

6. Chickens out of the fake debate

Thompson kept up his “Being a lying coward in public” streak in 2008 by challenging, nay, daring the Simula-Samuel L Jackson of Newsgroper to a debate. When he was taken up on the offer, well, guess what happened.

We can understand running from a flight from the real Samuel L Jackson. That’s the only sensible option – at the last count he’s a renegade FBI SHIELD agent Jedi Samurai Mob Enforcer who plays by his own rules, and on top of all that, he’s Samuel Goddamn Jackson. But a fake Jackson? Here’s a hint, Jacki, because it’s become clear you don’t understand this technology stuff: the people pretending to be tough online are pretty much the opposite. Somebody pretending to be Sam L is likeliest the whitest, palest inoffensive non-mofo you’ll find outside the albino ward of an osteoporosis hospital.

7. NIMF tells him to get lost

The warning sirens on the Crazy-ometer were really blaring when even the National Institute on Media and the Family announced that it wasn’t him, it was them, and if he could go and scream and fling shit like a lunatic somewhere else, that would be just super. NIMF, the people who invented the idiotic non-word “killographic” and have accused video games of promoting not just murder but outright cannibalism, looked at Jack Thompson and said “Damn, but that guy is crazy”.

8. Florida bar: Put up or shut up. In fact, put up AND shut up

2008 was the year that the Florida Bar finally had enough of Jack making a mockery out of their entire livelihood – only eighteen years after the first time they accused him of being insane, so you can see the lightning speed of justice in the Sunshine State. He was ordered to attend a disbarment trial which could ban him from the legal profession for five years. To add “We can file extra lawsuits too” insult to the career-injury, they filed a show cause order stating that he would have to legally prove that he hasn’t been using the legal system as his own personal soapbox and Threatening-Stick. Which at this point would be pretty tricky.

They also ruled that any further legal proceedings filed by Jack must be cosigned by another member of the Florida Bar, or put another way, they are literally saying “You are not allowed to play with our legal system unless supervised by a responsible adult.” He reacted to being told that he was now legally viewed as a minor by immediately filing an appeal. Without a signature.

9. Walks out of his own hearing

Of course, Jack wouldn’t settle for disbarment. With his behavior he managed to get the case elevated to “enhanced disbarment”, forbidding him from practicing law for a full decade, and stormed out of his own proceedings and accusing the judge of not having the authority to hear them.

To restate: he walked out of proceedings on the grounds that the judge in a case brought against him by the Supreme Court did not have the necessary legal authority. Short of Jesus returning, going to law school, and combining with the President and Buddha to form The Right Honourable Lawyo-Tron, it’s hard to imagine who he imagines would have the authority.

He not only accused the judge of being unqualified but also of being mentally unbalanced and started throwing around phrases like “killing three thousand people”. For those of us who’ve been within ten meters of a law enforcement official since 9/11, that’s generally regarded as a bad idea. A really bad idea. A “US Marshals dispatched to your home to explain why talking about committing mass murder in letters to legal officials is not a great idea, as Jack found out shortly afterward.

10. Permanently Disbarred

All this managed to raise the stakes to permanent disbarment, a “never darken our doorstep again” ruling which the Florida Bar finally issued. Nearly two decades after grown man stated he was going to hunt down rappers under the guise of Bruce Wayne. Of course, Jack has pledged to continue the good fight, and given his past behavior, it’s entirely possible that he’ll still be filing suit by the time they’ve got him both legally and physically restrained in a mental hospital, scrawling outraged and inaccurate statements with a crayon held between his teeth.

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